27months & 11months

The children are yet another month old & for their monthly b-day gift we're taking them on vacation!!! WHooop :)  Here they are checked into our fancy pants two-story hotel in preparation for our early flight out in the AM to Houston to visit these folks for a whole week.  Soooo excited.

New Specs!

 OK - so here is our baby just a couple weeks ago:

 

Then we go and get him new glasses and now he looks like he's 5?!!  

Foto Friday

• Tomorrow we pick up his new glasses (slightly new frames :o  stayed tuned for pics!!)
• Monday he has his first appointment doing out patient Physical therapy
• May 16th  he meets with a Developmental Specialist & is evaluated for Autism at Childrens Hospital in Hartford 

Reagan ditched the blue milk chair, monkey & silky and managed to crawl, with her bottle, up on the couch and perfectly perch herself next to Logan.

<3

The dog bowl

Pretty sure Reagan always knew the dog bowls were there but just recently she discovered one of them holds water :o  I do find it interesting that she brought 3 of Logans shoes over for a dip when she had two pairs of her own sitting next to where his were?!  But then again she's got that devilish little grin on...she knows what shes doing.

 Here is Logan at 17 months when he first discovered the water bowl!

Orthopedic Appointment

Awhile back we got a referral to go see a Pediatric Orthopedic so we could have Logans legs evaluated - we've had some concerns with his walk when he's in his walker and we wanted to have him looked at to make sure he was "hinged" correctly. 

So today was his appointment.  Doc. didn't think there was anything wrong with his legs or hips - but noticed that his feet & ankles turn into the middle which we'll try to correct with some special orthotic inserts in his shoes.  He also gave us a prescription for Logan to start doing some out-patient physical therapy in addition to the at home Birth to Three therapies.  Orthotics will be ready for us to pick up in 2 weeks and we put the call in for the out-patient physical therapy...so hopefully we can start that soon.

Wanna hear a Logan fart?

Listen to the last 10 secs of this video ...lol

Foto Friday

The plate on this ride should read:

2cute2hndle

Your comfy on the couch moment for today

7&8

oh hello #7 all that time focused on the arrival of you and we failed to look on the other side where #8 was making her debut. Been a relatively painless teething session for me as mom which, I'd like to think means it's been relatively painless for her.

This is what baby girl looks like crawling across the yard when her bare knees are showing. Not sure how I feel about her realizing one day that it's easier just to stand up and go....

I tried painting with the kiddos today ....

Which makes it my second attempt at creating little Picasso's (the first attempt can be seen by clicking here )

The results:

They had more fun taking the paint containers in and out of the bucket, playing with the rocks I put down to hold the plastic tablecloth, putting handfuls of dirt on the tablecloth, playing with the plates & throwing balls onto whatever paint made it on the paper.

No doubt we'll try again another day.

Bright & Beautiful

Sunday

Impromptu backyard family photo

Courtesy of the self timer

Foto Friday

It's Friday - YAY!!!

TGIF!

hail storms this afternoon & rainbows tonight :)

Breakfast, Elephants, Doggies & All done

all crammed into a 2min 16sec video

Wounded

It's only 1 and so far we have 2 battle wounds from the day :o

Logan:
I was putting some toys away up on the top closet shelf and I bumped the stack of baby books that were there. There is only one hardback book up there amongst the 20 or so flimsy paperback books....guess which one hit Logan on the way down?


Reagan:
She was having another Reagan Grace meltdown only this one occurred on the gravel driveway. And maybe these aren't meltdowns after all - maybe they are fits of pain as I have spotted her 7th tooth to come in.

This is her napping right now & I would love to know is Reagan copying Monkey or is Monkey copying Reagan??!

Baby's got new kicks

When you have this serious of a walkin face you gotta have some serious walkin shoes.

Enter Wal-Mart $10 sneaker special in a perfectly squat size 3

An article.

I recently read an article about a mother of a special needs child & it spoke to me more than I would have imagined. The link for the full article is at the bottom - this is only a portion of it. I highlighted in orange the pieces that I feel she took right out of my mouth.

1. I am tired. Parenting is already an exhausting endeavor. But parenting a special needs child takes things to another level of fatigue. Even if I've gotten a good night's sleep, or have had some time off, there is a level of emotional and physical tiredness that is always there, that simply comes from the weight of tending to those needs. Hospital and doctors' visits are not just a few times a year, they may be a few times a month. Therapies may be daily. Paperwork and bills stack up, spare time is spent researching new treatments, positioning him to sit a certain way, advocating for him in the medical and educational system. This is not to mention the emotional toll of raising a special needs child, since the peaks and valleys seem so much more extreme for us. I am always appreciative of any amount of grace or help from friends to make my life easier, no matter how small, from arranging plans around my schedule and location, to watching my son while I am eating.

2. I am jealous. It's a hard one for me to come out and say, but it's true. When I see a 1-year-old baby do what my son can't at 4 years-old (like walk), I feel a pang of jealousy. It hurts when I see my son struggling so hard to learn to do something that comes naturally to a typical kid, like chewing or pointing. It can be hard to hear about the accomplishments of my friend's kids. Sometimes, I just mourn inside for Jacob, "It's not fair." Weirdly enough, I can even feel jealous of other special needs kids who seem to have an easier time than Jacob, or who have certain disorders like Downs, or autism, which are more mainstream and understood by the public, and seem to offer more support and resources than Jacob's rare condition. It sounds petty, and it doesn't diminish all my joy and pride in my son's accomplishments. But often it's very hard for me to be around typical kids with him. Which leads me to the next point...

3. I feel alone. It's lonely parenting a special needs child. I can feel like an outsider around moms of typical kids. While I want to be happy for them, I feel terrible hearing them brag about how their 2-year-old has 100 words, or already knows their ABCs (or hey, even poops in the potty). Good for them, but it's so not what my world looks like (check out Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid). It's been a sanity saver to connect with other special needs moms, with whom it's not uncomfortable or shocking to swap stories about medications, feeding tubes, communication devices and therapies. Even within this community, though, there is such variation in how every child is affected. Only I understand Jacob's unique makeup and challenges. With this honor of caring for him comes the solitude of the role. I often feel really lonely in raising him.

4. I am scared. I worry that I'm not doing enough. What if I missed a treatment or a diagnosis and that window of optimal time to treat it has passed? I worry about Jacob's future, whether he will ever drive a car, or get married, or live independently. I am scared thinking of the hurts he will experience being "different" in what's often a harsh world (not to mention that I fear for the physical safety of the person who inflicts any hurt upon my son). I am scared about finances. Finally, I fear what will happen to Jacob if anything were to happen to me. In spite of this, my fears have subsided greatly over the years because of my faith, and because of exposure to other kids, teenagers, and adults affected with Jacob's disorder. When I met some of these amazing people at a conference last year, the sadness and despair that I was projecting onto Jacob's future life (because it was so unknown) melted away when I saw the love and thriving that was a reality in their lives. The fear of emotional pain (for both me and Jacob) is probably the one that remains the most.

5. I wish you would stop saying, "retarded," "short bus," "as long as it's healthy... " I know people usually don't mean to be rude by these comments, and I probably made them myself before Jacob. But now whenever I hear them, I feel a pang of hurt. Please stop saying these things. It's disrespectful and hurtful to those who love and raise the kids you're mocking (not to mention the kids themselves). As for the last comment, "as long as it's healthy," I hear a lot of pregnant women say this. Don't get me wrong, I understand and share their wishes for healthy babies in every birth, but it's become such a thoughtless mantra during pregnancy that it can feel like a wish against what my son is. "And what if it's not healthy?" I want to ask. (My response: you will be OK. You and your child will still have a great, great life.)

6. I am human. I have been challenged and pushed beyond my limits in raising my son. I've grown tremendously as a person, and developed a soft heart and empathy for others in a way I never would have without him. But I'm just like the next mom in some ways. Sometimes I get cranky, my son irritates me, and sometimes I just want to flee to the spa or go shopping (and, um, I often do). I still have dreams and aspirations of my own. I travel, dance, am working on a novel, love good food, talk about dating. I watch Mad Men, and like a good cashmere sweater. Sometimes it's nice to escape and talk about all these other things. And if it seems that the rest of my life is all I talk about sometimes, it's because it can be hard to talk about my son. Which leads me to the final point...

7. I want to talk about my son/It's hard to talk about my son. My son is the most awe-inspiring thing to happen to my life. Some days I want to shout from the top of the Empire State Building how funny and cute he is, or how he accomplished something in school (he was recently voted class president!). Sometimes, when I'm having a rough day, or have been made aware of yet another health or developmental issue, I might not say much. I don't often share with others, even close friends and family, the depths of what I go through when it comes to Jacob. But it doesn't mean that I don't want to learn how to share our life with others. One thing I always appreciate is whenever people ask me a more specific question about my son, like "How did Jacob like the zoo?" or "How's Jacob's sign language coming along?" rather than a more generalized "How's Jacob?" which can make me feel so overwhelmed that I usually just respond, "Good." Starting with the small things gives me a chance to start sharing. And if I'm not sharing, don't think that there isn't a lot going on underneath, or that I don't want to.

Raising a special needs child has changed my life. I was raised in a family that valued performance and perfection above all else, and unconsciously I'd come to judge myself and others through this lens. Nothing breaks this lens more than having a sweet, innocent child who is born with impairments that make ordinary living and ordinary "performance" difficult or even impossible.

It has helped me understand that true love is meeting someone (child or adult, special needs or not) exactly where he or she is -- no matter how they stack up against what "should be." Raising a special needs child shatters all the "should bes" that we idolize and build our lives around, and puts something else at the core: love and understanding. So maybe that leads me to the last thing you don't know about a special needs parent... I may have it tough, but in many ways I feel really blessed.

These words of hers are thoughts that go through my head on a daily basis. I struggle with speaking out to family and friends about our life and our daily struggles, I struggle with wanting to keep a strong front, I struggle with insane jealousy and envy of other parents and other children, I struggle with trying not to let this come between family and friends, I struggle with thoughts of his future - not just the long haul but things that will be approaching in the near future...potty training, school....

When I'm most frustrated & down Kevin has reminded me that Logan was put into our lives just as he is because we were meant to love & help him because in the hands of anyone else he couldn't possibly get the love & patience we give to him. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason - it takes awhile sometimes to get to where you can see that path but I believe.
I've always been a lover, a nurturer & a giver. Kevin is my rock he levels me out when my emotions get the best of me. We love & we laugh. We are the best kind of team.

Logan was always meant to be in our life. Everything up to this point has just been preparing us for this.

Link for full article

Hippty Hoppity Happy

Small Easter Baskets & Big Family Fun was on the agenda today!

Morning Hike

Backyard Swimming, Swinging & Lovin

Happy Easter Peeps!

Egg Hunt

Their first egg hunt!! Of the hundreds of eggs laying around Logan & Reagan managed to snag about 10! Logan had a blast, it was his dream come true (he thought all the eggs were balls) imagine his delight. And Reagan's legs must be getting stronger from all her walks behind her walker because she stood up by herself for a solid 20 secs while scoping out her next egg.

Foto Friday

If Logan gets to walk at the depot then I want to walk at the depot - Reagan

I can explain

I never intentionally dress my children like this - this outfit is a culmination of his day, a masterpiece if you will. But if anyone can pull off an outfit like this it's Logan, and he does and still manages to look cute.
Elmo Pants: We always dress them in comfy clothes for their naps, he just woke up from his nap.
Socks: I haven't done laundry in a week so all his short socks are dirty - we had to resort to the ugly tall socks which don't stay on unless you pull them over his pants.
Fleece: I thought his long sleeve would be warm enough. It wasn't. So I snagged what was most convenient, the striped fleece
Hat: He likes his hats and it was sunny
Sunglasses: He doesn't own any, so we had to borrow Reagans because his eyes were still sensitive from being dilated at his eye appointment.

Eye appointment results were that his astigmatism in his right eye has gotten worse as well as his overall vision. So a new prescription is in his future.

Meltdowns

This is what a Reagan Grace meltdown looks like: (and yes, most of the time Logan just stares at her wondering what is going on). Not sure what phase we've entered but it's new as of this week and it's brand spankin new for Kevin & I. When this little lady decides that it's me she wants and only me this is what she does. I've taken to ignoring her and most of the times after what seems an eternity she calms down or comes and finds me & Logan happily playing in the playroom. But these meltdowns do come at a price.....

These 3 wounds are from todays 6 meltdowns:Go by fast little phase, go fast

This went on for 45mins this evening....




:)

One year ago

This was Logan one year ago in the car right after getting fitted for his first pair of glasses.

Today, his glasses look like this...all sorts of broken
on Thursday we go to the eye doctor to have his eyes measured again and see if we need to up his prescription or leave it as is. And sometime very soon after that we'll get him fitted with a new pair of glasses. Until then it looks like something duct tape can fix.

The face of sick

Still sick over here. I thought for a hot minute things were getting better yesterday but I was quickly reminded that they weren't when Logan woke up at 5:30am in coughing fits & Reagan woke up shortly afterwards looking something like this:
Everything is always worse first thing in the morning and at night so here's hoping some good naps and sunshine dry them up.